


Goodbye, My Bittersweet Lover

by heartsewnsleeve



Category: Charmed
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:11:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsewnsleeve/pseuds/heartsewnsleeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Every second that I stood near him made me feel like I was dying. The memories swirling in my head were reminders of how far I fell from grace." </p><p>Phoebe has to face the fact that Cole is a demon... and most importantly, the internal demons that are attached to it. This takes place circa Season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, My Bittersweet Lover

“Cole, are you here?” I piqued, as I walked out of the elevator. I was still wondering why I thought this was a good idea. It wasn’t. No matter how hard that I rationalized it. The room was lowly lit. I had to squint to see in front of me. “ _Cole_?”

Before I could respond, his hands were on me. They grasped my waist and he pulled me to him. His head was  _too close_  to mine for comfort. A part of me felt hatred blaze in me, _true vengeful hatred_ , but a bigger part of me felt solace. It didn’t matter how many times that he broke me, I still felt complete by his touch. It sickened me. Against my desire, my body reacted to his and I was thrusted my hips forward for a closer embrace.

 I could feel his love, his self loathing, his manipulation as his hands grazed my flesh. I felt everything he felt. I always did. But, I ignored it. I had learned to ignore these feelings. Whenever I felt like it could work, I let the scars on my heart remind me of why I hated him.  _So much._

“We can’t do this any longer,” I pushed him back as my rationality came back to me. The palm of my hand ached with longing to explore more of him as my finger touched his warm flesh. I desperately wanted to wrap my fingers in his dark curls and to plant my lips on his. I wanted to taste the flesh that I knew so well. But I resisted. Like I knew I  _should_. Like I knew that I  _needed_  to. “I _mean_ it.”

“Do what?” He didn’t attempt to touch me this time. His tone sounded so  _sincere_. I avoided his eyes. Whenever I stared into them too long, I doubted myself. They were like gateways into memories that I wish didn’t exist and memories that  _could_  never exist. I didn’t want to acknowledge that our love wasn’t as over as I pretended it to be.

“You know what I’m talking about.” I took a deep breathe to soothe my nerves. I should’ve listened to my brain earlier. 

“I have no idea.” 

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know what I mean. I walked into my office to see 100 roses and expensive truffles. You can’t do stuff like this any longer. We’re not together anymore! Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? You’re tearing me in half. I’ve had enough heartbreak from you. Why don’t you understand?” I felt like I was pleading with myself instead of him. It was like I asking myself why I felt this way. I had hardly noticed that I was crying until I choked on a sob.

This wasn’t how I reacted to things. I held it together. I had  _to_. Prue couldn’t save me any longer. I had to be strong. But like _always_ , he untied me and left me tangled inside. I stifled another tear as I thought of Prue. I was going to be strong like her. I had to be. _What would she think of me right now_ , I wondered. It didn’t seem like the heartbreak would never stop following us. No matter how hard that I tried to move on. 

“Phoebe, I love you. I’m never going to stop loving you. You’re a bigger part of my soul than I am.” He turned his eyes onto me. I  stepped backwards, and squeezed my eyes closed. 

Every second that I stood near him made me feel like I was dying. The memories swirling in my head were reminders of how far I fell from grace. 

I took one long deep breathe, but I never went to open my eyes. I wanted to pretend, just for one minute, that everything was  _perfect_. 

Cole and I were happily married. Our child was real and he was just coming home from school. Prue was alive. Grams was alive. Mommy was alive, too. Paige was never put into adoption, and grew up with us. Leo and Piper had the happy ever after that they deserved. Their baby girl was healthy and my son adored her. Andy was alive too. Him and Prue got married like she always dreamed that they would and they were in martial bliss. Life was perfect and there was no pain.

For that one minute, everything and everyone were blissful, and my heart felt happy. But then I opened my eyes. It was like knives going through my body as reality was real once again.

“That’s the problem, Cole. You don’t have a soul.” I cut him deep and I knew it. That was our relationship these days. It was like a sick contest to see who could hurt one another more. “You’re a demon. There’s nothing good inside of you.” 

I felt the cut deeper than he did at my words. 

I closed my eyes, and receded to the door... but not before doing one last plead, one last gift to myself. I opened my eyes to see Cole crying. His entire body trembling with each sob. I resisted the urge to soothe him and tell him it would be okay. I had to be  _strong_. My wants or need didn’t matter anymore. My life was my sisters and the Greater Good. The fight was what mattered. But, I let myself have this one last gift. A reminder of how parting is such sweet sorrow.

“I’ll always love you.” I whispered it lowly. No human could ever hear it, but I know he did. I heard his sobs cease, but as soon as I whispered it, I closed the door behind me. The same way I threw away the key to my heart.


End file.
